I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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