Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
