I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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