I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
