Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
