I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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