Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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