Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
