Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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