he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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