C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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