she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
