My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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