u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
