I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
