Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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