Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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