Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
