Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
