Please, let me fuck your mom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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