I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
