I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
