he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
