she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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