I checked into jail on foursquare
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
