so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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