the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
