He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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