okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
