yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
