Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
