Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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