I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
