Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
