your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
