mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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