HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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