Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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