What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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