ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
