WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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