Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
