That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
