She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
