i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
