You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
