why didn't you poke me back
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize