I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
