Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
