Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
