At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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