ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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