so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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