walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
jump out the window naked night went bad
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