I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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