I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
