people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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