from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
