i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
as a side note pls kill me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
