My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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