I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
